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| I believe the immense sleep deprivation has caused crucial
shifts within my mind and mental structure... While laying on my back
in bed, thinking, as insomnia incapacitated me to enter the realm of
slumber, I realized something. I was enlightened by looking back
on events of my life. Frustrated and taken to an ocean of mad desperate
frustration by the stress invoked by my ACTs, I decided to escape
reality. Doubtful of the purpose of what I am living, I have realized,
that as I have been growing up, I have been restraining my true nature.
Once a burning disaster sedated by drugs, from my ashes and ruin
blossomed a beautiful creation of tender tranquility. My heart is
spiked rosered. I am reborn as a statue that stands for all
good morale, nobility, and love for one another mutually, sculpted in
the essence of a many petal flower. I realize that I am a flower, not a
wolf. From the dark depths of my mind, I now show to you, the light
that exists within me, it was once sealed from the outside by terrible
influence of a beast that devours my kind. Etradeh, the devourer of
flowers.
I am falling through the human abstract, negating all past
foolishness, negating Crystal. Only a man can provide me with what a
women cannot. For our own good sake, I have decided that our paths of
destiny must not cross; and rather run parallel. I am merely a
teenager, she is six years older than I, hers is another world. Our
worlds must not clash, for my own enjoyment. I am baffled, wondering
what was I thinking, accepting that woman into the sanctuary of my
heart, I was a buffoon, a child falling for a Granny.
I stand as Cecil, paramount over any other obstacle that life may
throw at me, blade in hand, ready to taste the blood of the flaws of
this world. Ready to enlighten any other man to follow my path. Ready
to cut through the masses and seize the throne of the world, and
sprinkle radiant flowers of light upon it to fight the darkness hovering over its soil. The earth has a black soul.
Bless me with thy good luck, my good friends. May your souls rest easy. For mine is at nirvanna.
Cecil - Jack, The Lumberjack says:
How we met?
-=Young Nobleman of Madness=- says:
I vaguely remember me being depressed about my grandmother's death and meeting you on WoS.
Cecil - Jack, The Lumberjack says:
I have changed a lot ever since. my dear friend....
Cecil - Jack, The Lumberjack says:
What do you think, about homoexuality?
-=Young Nobleman of Madness=- says:
Well, I believe people are entitled to their own sexuality. I am what I
am, you are what you are, and it's not my place to judge you for that.
Cecil - Jack, The Lumberjack says:
Oh, so word has gotten to you already, about my new gender preference?
-=Young Nobleman of Madness=- says:
No, it has not. But I am saying, whatever you choose, you're still my
friend, and I'm not going to think differently about you either way.
Cecil - Jack, The Lumberjack says:
Well Ryan... While embracing this new life, I also realize that I will be in need of a partner.
Cecil - Jack, The Lumberjack says:
You are not interested, to take my arm, and follow me on the road to a new era, a new life?
-=Young Nobleman of Madness=- says:
I appreciate the offer, but I must humbly decline, for I have a wife and a daughter.
Cecil - Jack, The Lumberjack says:
I have forsaken my partner, I found this to be very liberating, a road to freedom from my reality...
-=Young Nobleman of Madness=- says:
Sorry.
Cecil - Jack, The Lumberjack says:
Oh well... But Ryan, know that you will always have a place in mhy tender heart, amidst its petals of unconditional love.
-=Young Nobleman of Madness=- says:
Well, um... Thanks, I guess.
Cecil - Jack, The Lumberjack says:
My dear friend... *Places a hand on his hand, and looks at him in the eyes tenderly. There is a twinkle in Cecil's eyes. *
L O L L O L L OL
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| Well if you're wondering, yeah, I'm still alive. This lack of sleep thing that's gone on for over a week now is REALLY taking it's toll. Anyway.. I'm going to get my ACT preps tomorrow, and see what I am up against, then I am going to study what I need help in. Once I study it all, I'll take the ACTs and aim for a 30 so I can get that free-ride through Auburn when I go. I'm looking forward to that, for certain. I'll be moved out, and in Alabama, with my love. (: At the moment, I've discovered a new band, along with an entire new genre. "Dir en Grey", under the genre "Visual Kei". It's pretty awesome, though their videos are not for the faint of heart, or stomach. Trust me. That is all for now. -Kitsune | | |
| My ACTs are coming up soon, as are my PSATs, and eventually my SATs. I have to get atleast an 860 on my SAT, and/or I am going to get a 30 on my ACT. SATs aren't too necessary I suppose, ah well. Won't hurt to take them. Not to mention, late this year, or early next year, I'm moving out. What a huge milestone this is. I'm looking forward to it, though. It's 4:30 AM, and I am still wide awake with a severe case of insomnia that's lingered for several days now. I suppose I'll stay up tonight, and let myself become so tired, that I fall asleep early later on around.. 11:00 PM.. 12:00 PM. Whatever, I'll probably end up taking a nap and failing my little plan of staying up, I'm not cut out for staying up days on end like I used to. Well, I thought I'd update, since it's really late, and I have nothing to do. -Kitsune | | |
| Alright, I feel like adding some tid-bits of advice for some of you people out there who keep coming to me for some help. Apparently, a lot of you lack two things, and it's very common from what I see. -Optimism. It's not hoping for the best, it's seeing possibilites.
-Willpower. You need it to carry out your dreams. If you believe it, you CAN obtain it. The key is to not let dreams die, and work to obtain them. So many people lack these two things, and they're so neccessary to everyday life. I use these two things everyday, and I am still working at what I want. Sitting around being depressed, telling yourself you won't get something, hoping it'll happen anyway, does that sound better than KNOWING something is going to happen, and working so hard to make it come true? If you tell yourself you can do it, then you can. It's as simple as that. Your sub-conscious is amazing, you can program it however you want to. Fears are embbed into it because you let yourself be afraid. Habits are the same way. Verbal, and mental willpower is the key. If you tell everyone, "Hey, I am not afraid of heights".. and you BELIEVE you're not afraid of them, then pretty soon, you will not be afraid of them. Being depressed, and telling yourself that something won't happen.. well, I'm pretty sure it won't happen. If you want something bad enough, you will see that I am right. Stop moping, and tell yourself "Yes, I can do this.". "Yes, this will happen." You can make it come true. I tell myself, and everyone else everyday, I will live in Alabama with Krystin. I KNOW I will, because I am going to make it happen. No one can convince me otherwise. You can bring up any problem, anything at all, and I can overcome it. Nothing will keep me from her. I am not saying problems will not come your way, but the ability to overcome them is the key. Do not let them beat you down until you're too weak to move on. You're strong enough to overcome, you should TELL yourself you're strong enough to overcome any problem. Look around you, you and your brethren, the rest of mankind, have built what you see around you. The computer you read this with. Do you think they let themselves get torn down by mistakes? Do you think they told themselves they can't do it? No they didn't. They KNEW they could do it, they TOLD everyone that laughed that they would. Guess what? It made them rich. It made them famous. It gave them everything they wanted. Why can't you do the same? You were born with the same mind capability, so why not use it? Stop telling yourself you can't do it. You're making your own mind find ways to make you right. You'll find excuses, find problems to make yourself quit early. Though if you tell yourself you'll fight, and win, then you'll find some way to do it. It's all about optimism, finding the right ways to do something, and willpower, knowing you can do them. If you tell me, your friends, or yourself that you can do it, everyday, and know it, and believe these words.. it will happen. You can do it. If you want something bad enough, you'll understand. -Kitsune | | |
| Yes, an update. I decided to leave an old, close friend a comment, and then decided.. what the @#$%, why not? I'm tired at the moment, listening to some music. You can see what I am listening to if you look up a little bit. A pretty good song, though I had to censor it. I try to keep my Xanga clean. Yeah, I seem dull at the moment. My mind is dulled from a deep conversation I had not too long ago. Haha. Well friends, I probably won't be updating my Xanga for a while after this one. Not that I am lazy anymore, just too busy. Too tired of it all. I need to break away from it. I need to carry out the plans that I've been yearning to for a while now. Yes, the one about moving. -sigh- So tired, though. I want it to hurry up, I am breaking down inside without her.. -Kitsune | | |
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